lost within my own reality

By:Mono

The stranger sang a theme
from someone else’s dream
the leaves began to fall
and no one spoke at all
but I can’t seem to recall
when you came along
Ingenue

Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do

The tree-lined avenue
begins to fade from view
drowning past regrets
in tea and cigarettes
but I can’t seem to forget
when you came along
Ingenue

Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do

Ingenue
I just don’t know what to do

*I just love the song la...

I'm not in the mood to socialise...all I wanted to do this morning was to just be alone and be in the world of my own.I just wanna sit,reflect,think and stone all at the same time.Call me crazy...so be it.Thoughts of what,why,how and all...just plain thinking of what this lifetime of mine gonna lead to...just plain thinking..reflecting.If you think I'm feeling sad or that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,well I didn't.Its just one of those days where I just dun feel like talking to the usual and like usual.And I'm sorry if I seem distant,quiet,rude or acting weird.Like I said..one of those days where I just wanna be alone and find my own solitude with others whom I've not spoke to for a long time and share.I'm not trying to imply that you dun understand me...its just that the surroundings are just different.Today,I needed that.I just needed time for myself...peace and quiet.Some of us needs that...to be away from the usual and meet the unusual.I sat down,under the umbrella...just reflecting and listening to the sounds of the fountain downstairs.It felt good.Really it does.

This is just me...where not many get to see.One of those days...and only those who feel me would know how much peace and quiet will help one.

PS:I'm okay...may seemed MAD to some..but this is HERA.What's new rite?

Haven been drinking much lately...dehydrated.My lips are cracking and it hurts...been a few days now.No use putting on my lips butter..it doesn't seem to work.Anyone of you know wat other thing I should do?I did drink alot yesterday...not water but lots of
Ribenas' and Green Tea.Still...its water rite??So why are my lips still dry?Hmph...this is just so very annoying!!!Argh...lips are cracking....

Just when i was thinking...wat i want to write in here...my first thoughts for the day...he came into msn.This is way scary...believe..its so creepy!!Yeah..i woke today,thinking about him and wat I wanna say to him...but each time I prepare myself to speak,I tend to forget wat I wanna say.So yeah,like any other morning..I thought about him.So today,I decided to message him and tell him I miss him.hehe..yeah.Thats it.He called once but I didn't answer cause I didn't hear my phone ringing.Called him back..no answer.Man...that is always the case for both of us...this is one of the things that kinda annoy us and we end up arguing or something.Damn!!Haven been talking much...miss his calls..miss him....miss everything about him.Miss him mocking me...singing MA songs..hehe.Sian...life has just gotta move on.hehe..

This whole week...been pretty busy hanging out with my frens.Catching up with them..chilling with them..kinda keep my mind off things.Lots of supper but no lunch or dinner..sometimes,breakfast!!haha...just dun feel like eating this few time.dunno why...

LAter!lazy to type..talking to him on msn..hehe

For the past 2 days...it just sucked la!Literally...sucked!Why???

::Tuesday

1) My phone was not working.I couldn't on my bloody pinky phone!It refuses to on.No matter how hard I pressed the power button...it wouldn't on!I was deprived from my phone.... the outside world.I couldn't call my frens...I can't remember their number..only a handful.I suck at remembering hp numbers.I really do...so its damn bloody annoying not being able to call them and also using other's phone to check my sim card.

::Wednesday

2)The sole of my left shoe came off when I lent my shoes to one of the sheeps.(the freshie)Damn her!!HMPH!!

3)I had to kiss the dirty floor with smelly sweaty heads and stinky feets ard me!!The kids and the game master for orientation just had to saboh me and daniel!!My lips were dry...I so wanted to lick my lips.But I can't!!I'm deprived!!Cause I kissed the bloody floor!!Duh!I wanted to scrub my lips with dethol!!

4)I was fucked by a lecturer today because I used the word fuck!FUCK!!!
Wat happened was...I was looking for the missing sheep frm my Orientation grp.The whole walkway was packed cause everyone came running in for shelter bcoz it was raining and not moving to where they suppose to go and jammed the area.So yeah...back to looking for the missing sheep.I squeezed my way thru the stinky kids la..then suddenly...*screech*...I scratched my watch against the rough wall!OF course...if you guys know me that well,my first reaction was.."Fuck!" and grabbed my phone..touching my watch with love...and then...when I looked up,there she was...just walking past me.Stood in front of me and fucked me la!!To cut the story short,I apologized to her so many times.There and then!

But wait...she not happy.She was offended.Wat a bitch!Offended by wat?Well,she said to me:Its just a watch.Why must you say that?
I: Its my watch...
yeah.."Its my watch"...and she's offended!Stupid!!!Not happy,she looked for me la.Wanted to talk and all.Said she wanna take me out of OGL(I agreed..okay with it))...said i'm not setting a good example..blah blah sec. teacher stuff...said the kids looked up to us...blah blah blah...I told her I didn't mean it the way she thought I meant...its just an expression like..."But its my watch...(Means...i love my watch.I hate scratches.I'm pissed and shocked.)
And she still had the guts to say that I didn't apologize...hello!!!I did!So many times...and I told her just that.And yeah...I admitted..I shouldn't have said the word FUCK so loud..but at that moment..you're shocked over your own clumsiness...and me being me...the word came out.Unfortunately...she walked past me!HMPH!!ARGH!!She told me I'm a girl...we girls tend to swear..she understand..but not the word fuck.WTH??Said...you dun use it at home either.
I:But mdm,I do use it at home.
She:No you dun.
I:Yes I do.My mum is fine with it.We use it often.Its part of me.So of course when I hit my watch..my first reaction was...(looking at her...hinting that yeah you know the word i used)!
Damn...I started to ...show some sympathy tears...apologise to her...macam i begging my mum not to disown me...haha
Yeah...I said..."Dun mind me crying...I'm kinda nervous and all.I apologise so many times...blah blah blah..
She:Its okay..at least I know you're sincere and that you know your mistakes.
In my mind..."Bloody hell...i cry then you believe me la!Thats wat I've been telling you for the past 5 mins!!"(gave me tissue)
Wat an ass la...in the end...we apologised to each other.She said I could continue la..with the orientation.

Rayyan accompnied me thruout the whole drama la...i swear I could see he wanted to laugh la!Outside her office...he put his arms ard me and said,"Eh...take it easy man!" and started laughing!!There and then ...I being the drama queen..laughed and cried at the same time.haha...Rayyan did just that...cause he knew me since pri sch.He knew that when I cry,I'll laugh!That idiot just had to do it ...cause he said it has been a long long time since he last saw me being so dramatic!LOL...bloody hell!

So yeah...when I cry,I laugh!Thats me...I'm dramatic...I confess!I admit!haha

*Back to the topic.

Who the hell is cursing me?These things happened 2 days in a row...Who the fuck is cursing me??I swear...if I find out...You'll get it you fuck!!You'll feel so fucked up after that!Fucker!!!

You challenged my fear.
I challenged my fear.
And now I'm hurt.
Only I can take the blame..
Its me...
I was challenged.

the feeling's changed(how I'm feeling rite now)
from what it used to be
so pure so sweet
no more,no more
from you to me
now its hey this hey that(REcently)
but nothing that makes me feel(Nothing at all..it was insecurities)
that you want me back
tears have dried(no tear shed....only in there)
mind is fried(Damn fried...in fact..its burnt)
thinkin you'll hold me tight
right by your side
words you may say
but emptiness i feel
especially at nights(Are those words true?I'm asking you...)
dont lead me on
if it isnt going to work
why bother
when all it does is
make u seem like a jerk(TAKE NOTE!!)
now im givin u my all(Am I?Have yet to talk abt it)
i dont plan to fall
not again, not at all
so remember boy
tho i have feelings for you, (I always do..but not the way it used to)
i wont be your bloody toy

*CopyRight frm Ta*hehe..rite ta?Dun mind..my thoughts exactly...

Today was the orientation...first day only.I'm so dead tired now...still haven catch up on my sunday slp yet.I feel like I'm gonna get sick soon.The freshies...theyr're pretty okay la.Nic...if you're reading...everything went well.Affan did a great job...and so did everyone involved.Mr Fuan said that for the first time since he became an advisor...nvr has he seen the freshies all settle in the auditorium within half an hour.Yeah...everyone...the freshies i mean...were early!haha.So yeah...a round of applause for the OGL for calling up the kids!haha..So yeah..Nic,not too worry.But I gotta say this la...the games...so not me!The sing songs...lame songs...peel banana and all...so not me!haha...

Its 935pm now...
Talking online with this guy,Calvin.Fifi's fren in camp.I hope Fi is not lying to me that Cal looks like ang moh!haha...yeah...All I can say is that NS guys deprived la...Cal asked for my number...so that he could talk to me abt sex!WTH!!Cause Fi said I'm horny!!Fifi...wat else did you say?hehe...But I guess making new frens wont kill rite...afterall...I need all the distraction I can get now.haha.

Its just all so weird now...I still need to clarify things I guess...like why we're not communicating that well and all.It just feels so weird.Went smoking during luchtime with Vanisha(my bro's fren) and he came along.He made a phcall...and started speaking in chinese.I'm like thinking...since when he spoke chinese over the phone.Its just weird...maybe you can say I'm thinking too much..i dunno.This has to be settled soon.Its just all feel so weird.Lucky...In the morning..Sunshine was ard.I'm so glad.Sunshine gave me a hug...haha.Felt better...wahahaha...been such a long time since I last spoke to Sunshine!haha...so yeah it was good seeing sunshine!aha...Hm...rite now,I'm in the e-plaza with the new freshies.Fuan..Mr Penguin is talking now...he's standing on a chair now..I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the chair legs wont break.Trying to imagine...Fuan falling and stumbling..a big big hole in the lab!!LOL...Oh ya..I'm sitting behind him now...he's got a wedgy!!lol..his ass big sia!!lol..k..gtg!Oh my...now Raphael Lee standing on my lab table with big camera!!haha...eh eh his body not bad lei...he wearing tight shirt!1haha..K..gtg now.

Later!!

Last nite...rol and me didn't sleep at all.Was awake till it was time for school.As you can see...we're both zombies!But at least someone manage to catch some sleep at home after that!Hmph!haha..yeah..so today,making our way to TAmPines for dinner..we slept thruout the whole bus journey.I never felt so good,peaceful next to her.For the first time...we barely talked and Rol didn't even lay her hands on me...hehe.Thank God!haha...When we woke up,its was just nice.We reached the interchange...and the first thing i said.."That's the best conversation I ever had!"
Hugsy!!

pS:Pardon me for my madness.Pardon me for my crankiness.I've been awake for more than 24 hours now...and plus,I not in a very good mood.So pardon me pls....

I just had to get out.I needed air...felt so claustrophobic.I just needed someone to talk to...I needed peeple around me.To remind me that I'm strong and will overcome it.Reminded me to respect myself and stand by my principles.Reassure me that everything is going to be okay.So thanks to all those who were there for me last nite.Rol,Shan,Hanis and Jai...you guys are the best.You perked me up!I was perky last nite...hehe.You should know why...its that shirt and that shirt would explain my feelings..haha.Ya know wat I mean..haha.

So yeah...its was the first time where all my good friends are having supper at the same place..and that is SIMPANG!!haha...There's nothing like Simpang Bedok...a place to just chill and enjoy the smell of kopitiam...sipping on my "blue lagoon" mocktail and just fag away...laughing and bitching..mocking and more mocking going on!haha.Its a place where we share all our problems and worries...and time passes by real slow with your companions.I'm very grateful to have friends like you.Hugs!!So yeah...last nite,Shan drove to Simpang...luckily she was smart enough to find her way there with my simple navigation.haha...but this 8 pointer gal doesnt know how to get her car out of parallel parking.So my gd buddy,Jai..the mad dog driver helped her.Shan...you should be grateful for there are not much dogs that would help you!haha(Sorry Jai!)After the bitches had left..I stayed at simpang till 4am.

Watched the match between Spain and Portugal.You be amazed how many mats and uncles and aunties..screaming.Not to forget...each time Raul face appears on TV..Hanis would get so excited and would start slurping her saliva...showing her 'affection' for Raul!"Argh..Raul!!"(eh woman...he's not that handsome la!)Hm...for the first time...I saw the horny belo side of Jai.He started doing actions like 'doing a blow job' with the straw...licking the mug and stuff like that.We're actually dissing Hanis la..because Wahid has a thing for Hanis.So the joke was that..Wahid would love to take a taste of Hanis's 'leftover'!!haha.Oh...then came the belo mats frm Fed-Ex..Jai's groupies!haha..Yeah..so Sundal was there(the one who looked like my ex),the ugly 'Wahid' who declared his love for Ms Hanis by shouting out "I love you!!"LOL!!And 2 other guys..to be honest...I've never attempted to try to remember their names.haha...Can't be bothered la.They're not that important!Wahahaha.

So yeah..last nite was great man!It took my mind off things...and it suddenly occured to me how important my friends are and that no one..and I mean no one can make me feel any lesser about myself!hah!I simply love you guys to the max!

Okay..last but not least..Vicki!Though we dun really talk each time we bumped or met up with the rest of the guys...its been great chatting with ya till like..hm..7am in the morning!Yeah..all those sharing...it was good.At least I know more abt you and you abt me!haha...and yeah..We both exchanged blog addresses and I guess..thru bloggin...we've learnt a little more about each other.hehe..so yeah..its been a pleasure chatting with ya in the wee hours of the morning.

Okay..I think I'm done writing for today.I think I've got like 7 entries for today...should be more than enough!haha...I guess today I just have so many things to say...like I always do!!haha..duh!!Could it be..maybe I've been awake for more than 24 hours?Hm...(thinks deeply)

Now now..group hug!!!(*smiling away..*)

P/s:Barry!!You're my sexy lips and always will be!You know how much I adore yur lips!haha..and thanks huh..for branding me the "The noisy Bitch' and letting the whole friendster know that I was the mastermind behind your nickname back in secondary school!haha..Love ya!Hugs!haha

"Endless amounts of thoughts running thru my mind.What have i done?
I thought I did it right,but no.
Everything seems so lifeless now.What should I do?
Isolation is the only word in mind.
I hide.
Away..faraway from the lies and betrayal.
Away from the everything."

"An endless dream.
Just me and my sweet dreams.
Lost within my own reality.
Then back to sanity.
Is this what life is meant to be?
Feel lost and be force back to reality?
To face him.Face them.Face it.
Its all shit!"

I was chatting with Vicki in the wee hours of the morning...and we exchange our blog address.So yeah...I decided to steal her entry(sorry vic.there isn't copyrights rite?)hehe..and I wanna share it with you guys and girls. As you can see...the above equation explains why girls are evil.Hm...I wonder who came up with this equation.Einstein?I dunno...but I was wondering if there is an equation for the guys.For example:Guys=Bastards.So if anyone of you could come up with an equation on why guys=bastards...pls...tag me.In the meantime...being th same old smartass like I always am...will try to think of a perfect equation!

So yeah...enjoy understanding the equation!!

EX-GIRLFRIEND
By:G. Stefani, T. Dumont, T. Kanal{No Doubt}

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

You say you’re gonna burn before you mellow
I will be the one to burn you
Why’d you have to go and pick me?
When you that we were different, completely

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend

I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

Your wildness scares me
So does your freedom
You say you can’t stand the restrictions
I find myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn’t have to

And I feel so mean, I feel in between
‘Cause I’m about to give you away

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (am I making a mistake?)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (all the time that we spent)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girl, friend

I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

I’m about to give you away for someone else to take
I’m about to give you away for someone else to take

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we’ve been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I’m going to die
I know I’m going to want you and you know why
It’s going to kill me to see you with the next girl
‘Cause I’m the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girl friend

I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

*The irony is...I wasn't even anyone's ex girlfriend!haha...yeah.There..I said it!!Hmph!!

BATHWATER
BY:G. Stefani, T. Kanal, T. Dumont{No Doubt}

You and your museum of lovers
The precious collection you've housed in your covers
My simpleness threatened by my own admission

And the bags are much too heavy
In my insecure condition
My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I can't help it…you're my kind of man

Wanted and adored by attractive women
Bountiful selection at your discretion
I know I'm diving into my own destruction

So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?
I don't fit in so why do you want me?
And I know I can't tame you…but I just keep trying

'Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I’m on your list with all your other women
But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
You make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it…you’re my kind of man

Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?

So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles
Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble
Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions

'Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
Share a toothbrush…you’re my kind of man
I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it…you're my kind of man

No I can't help myself
I can't help myself
I still love to wash in your old bathwater

::The allusion of washing in someone's bathwater signified an acceptance of your lover's faults--indulging in the person and all their emotional baggage.

**This is a self-sardonic track that grappled with the insecurities eventually overrun by bounding adoration.

Let me quote:"Love is quick,flirt it!"
Still wondering wats the truth behind this statement...hehe

Flirting with my thoughts
Flirting with my instincts
Flirting with my heart
Flirting with myself
Flirting with my life
Flirting with troubles
Flirting with danger
Flirting with reality

I guess...life involves lots of flirting!

I've always wanted to go Indochine.Yeah...and so I did...with my buddies whom I can always count on for almost anything.They give me no worries or troubles like some people.I feel at ease and peace!So yeah...never will I let anyone ruin it!!Hmph!hehe...so yeah...last nite after my bro's birthday dinner...I just had the urge to go clubbing and with my mummy's nod,I went ahead with my so called plan with Terence.Cause he initiated it...but Terence lost his wallet the day before..so yeah in the end he couldn't make it.So I met up with Barry,John,Kwok and Moo.Yeah...my buddies..ones I've been going out almost frequently.I got myself a Lychee Martini,tasted a little Kilkenny and Carlsberg.Just sat there and talked.After that...we're off to watch a movie.."80 Days ard the world"!!haha...storyline was predictable la...but the fighting part...man it was hilarious.Oh yeah...I missed almost 20 min of the movie bacause I was talking to him.Yeah...I felt some tension and my instinct tells me something is goin really really wrong.And now..I can foresee roughly wats gonna happen next.By all means...wateva happens...I will not let it bring me down..and yeah no regrets baby!I hope my instinct are true..not that I dun want things to work out...but I feel there must be reason why I had this instinct.And so far...it hasn't proven me wrong.Call me mad or psychic...That s the way I am ..so yeah...live with it.

K...I'm so not in the mood to talk abt him...things are weird I feel..the ex and stuff...fuck it.I'm single dudes!At least I dun mess with people's feeling when I myself is confused in shit!haha...sorry baby...

I'm currently reading this book, The Anthropology...and this is my 4th time reading it...and I absolutely love the simplicity and the humorous short stories.Well, here's one I wanna share with you guys!

My girlfriend died.I was heartbroken, and vowed to remain faithful to her memory.At first I had no difficulty; my distress was so great that I couldn't even contemplate kissing anyone else.But, after a while, another girl started showing an interest. I resisted her advances."You're very pretty," I told her, "but it's just too soon.I'm sorry." She wouldn't give up. She kept gently touching me, and fluttering her mascara- coated eyelashes. Eventually I yielded and fell into her arms.The man asked us to leave.He said our rustling,slurping and giggling was upsetting the other mourners.

LOL...isn't it funny??haha..I know I should be sensitive to one's mourning for their loved ones...but look on the bright side.At least the boyfriend manage to find a substitute in a day itself!haha..yeah..life's a bitch!

H	Honorable
E	Enchanting
R	Radiant
A	Astonishing

Last nite,all alone,on my bed...staring at the ceiling fan..I asked myself this,"Whats the purpose of this lifetime?"There's just so many things to do,to achieve,to look forward to but there's so many obstacles to go thru...and there's so little time.Like I've said before,time waits for no one ...sure as the path that we've chosen,cannot be changed.When times are bad...I often wonder why is this happening to me.Questions will run thru your mind.I guess in my life's destination,I search for the explanation for some kind of reason,for my sorrow and pain.That's why at times...I go into seclusion because in my isolation,I learn to reflect on my life,listen to wat I really want and be thankful for the love and gifts that I've been given.In the midst of seclusion..I'll come to realise how good life could be and a sweet inspiration will begin to fill my wanted horizon and give me the heart to go on and never to give in.Reflecting in the past...I treat all my mistakes as potential teachers and look back on the past with my sweetest smile.For...whatever I've been thru...has made me the way I am.For then...will I realise that I've been given the key to life unlike some unfortunate beings.I should be thankful and grateful!!!
::
This is my journey.
Journey thru life.
With every twist and turn,I've laughed and cried.
As the road unwinds.
This is my journey.
And I've learnt to fight.
To make me strong enough.
To lift me up.
To bring my dreams alive.
::
I guess...like they always say..choose the right path.If you made the wrong turn...there's no turning back.Just continue with the journey and wait for the opportunity to come to make another decision.Yeah...the road...the same road with so many choices but yet...sometimes...we just can't decide..but to continue to move on forward and wait for wat the road has install for you before the next turn.Damn...the journey continues...as I unfold the mysterious life of INOERA!!hehe

I woke very very pissed today.Nah...I'm not going to talk about it.All I wanna say is that I dun deserve such shit...but on certain circumstances,it can't be helped.Can it?So today...after cooling myself off,I decided to lock myself in my room the whole day.Yup...including skipping lunch.Well...actually..I didn't decide.What I did today was unintentional...more like obsession.Obsessed with wat you might ask?Well...today,I spent my time watching SEX and The CITY="the splat" and 9 episodes of the OC on my lappy.Yup...9 long episodes of the OC=Orange County.I admit that I am now obsessed with the OC.

The last time I hung out with Moo and John,I got so annoyed the moment both of them started discussing about the OC.John="Eh moo,you watch episode 12?Wah..the luke guy sucks..." Moo="Merissa looks like an angel!""Rite Hera?" Hera="Who the hell is Merissa?I watched OC once only..which one?" You see...this was always the case each time both of them anticipate in their deep OC discussion!I...will be totally clueless!I'm forever questioning their obsession abt the OC.Sigh...now I know the answer.haha..

Moo and John...man..I share your sentiments la!OC...its damn entertaining,dramatic,hilarious,it keeps you wanting to watch more more more more...YES people!!!I'm addicted to OC.I'm obsessed watching the OC.There you go!Today I learnt something new about myself.I learnt that I can lay back and sit on my bed for more than 9 hours without moving much.When I'm so engrossed in something...I dun feel hungry.And lastly...patience is a virtue.haha...wateva that means...

Hm...nothing much to say here except for my baby!haha.. :p
I'm so glad I met up with you today...though today was quite emo..a little pissed la earlier in the day...But really...you made my day.You know and I know wat la...haha.Enuff said...cannot let everyone know the exact details of my life story.haha...rite now,I'm practicing the finest command of language.And that is to keep my mouth shut!LOL

Love you...today was just WOW!!hehe
*Muacks*

:: Living risky, never scared, wander closer to the edge
Nothing valued think no fear, always wondering why you're here
All your purposes are gone, nothing's right and nothing's wrong
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, feel no sorrow, feel no pain

Kiss me while I'm still alive, kill me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me live and let me learn
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll live on to another damn day
Freedom carries sacrifice, remember when this was my life ::

*I choose my own path.I choose who i wanna be.This is me..I be the judge of me.Just me..stripped!*

Life’s a lot to think about sometimes
When I'm living in between the lines
And all the stars they sparkle and shine every day
Life’s so hard to move in sometimes
When it feels like I’m towin' the line
And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way

What you thought was real in life, somehow steered you wrong
And now you just keep driving trying to find where you belong

I feel helpless now, I feel alone
That’s the same road, the same road that I’m on.

By:Robi Rosa

Crash......
Would you like me to forget myself
and lose myself
in you

Push......
Just one push will do
Then I'm overboard
Drowning in you

I hear a whisper slowly &
Soon our lips will be near
In between the day and night
I step into the blue twilight
Catch me, darling catch me

Hold me back
I think I'm falling
Over you,
what did you do?

Help me now
I'm losing me....into you
What did you do?
What did you do?

Walk, I walk a line that leads to you
Waiting....anticipating
desire has no safety
To lead you on the road
Going crazy

I hear a whisper slowly &
Soon our lips will be near

Hold me back
I think I'm falling
Over you, what did you do?

Help me now
I'm losing me into you
What did you do?
What did you do?

I hear you whisper darling.....darling

In between the day and night
I step into the blue twilight
Catch me, darling catch me

Hold me back
I think I'm falling
Over you, what did you do?

Help me now
I'm losing me.... Into you

What did you do?
What did you do?
What did you do? I think I'm falling
What did you do?
What did you do? I think I'm falling

Help me now
I'm losing me.... Into you
What did you do?
What did you do?

*eND*
Baby..What did you do?I think I'm falling into you.Will you catch me?You and I both know how we feel abt each other...and this scares me...cause I'm falling into love makes or love breaks zone...sigh..

I admit that I am afraid of making commitments...but there is a risk to it.You might lose that special someone...he/she might go astray...insecurity settles in...I really dunno wat other reasons there are to it...but there are risks.But I guess it takes lots of trust,understanding and compromising too.I admit the reason why i dun like making commitments is because I fear of getting hurt.Yes..HURT...I fear that the most.I hate it...the feeling sucks..sometimes it makes you feel its the end of the world.Most of the time..I run away from getting hurt...but sometimes...you just can't.Especially if you have that special someone.At times I go into seclusion...but this is not the only reason why I go into seclusion.I just need time..to think..to reflect on life..me...inoera.Do some soul-searching...because I've yet to find inner peace from within and wat I want out of this lifetime.I just want everthing to be perfect..to be great.Hm...only James can testify on why we go into seclusion.The feeling after that is just great...its as though we've been reborn!Like I said before...facing reality hurts!So thats why we go into seclusion..just away from everyone...just me alone and my chosen surroundings and influences!

He said:"You never know unless you try."

Yeah...I gotta try...try everything...but first...I gotta overcome my fear.That's a big challenge for me!

Didn't go for a spa in the end...went to Little India to do threading with my mum.And she ended up shopping at Tekka Mall(went twice in a day...cause my mum just had to get the miss sixty t-shirt!!)Oh no...this is going to be her fav. place to shop.All I can say...you can find really unique and very cheap stuff.I love going to Little India..the chapati,the briyani...bandung drink..the smell of jasmine flower...fortune telling...I dunno la..but there is something abt Little India la.I feel that I'm part of it.haha(yeah rite)I just love indulging the atmosphere ard me la.Weird rite?haha..Maybe in my past life,I was Indian?haha...I just enjoy doing tourist stuff.I heard this coming wednesday,my mum and the little ones are going for a Duck ride!!!!haha...can you believe it?Madness...

HE=BABY=??????
Let me quote something that made my day in the wee hours of saturday morning and today:
"I miss you la fuck!""I thought of you!""Love you..."
Though...*ahem..I was kinda pissed at his silliness about lending his 'fren' money and for other simple reasons...he still makes me...*ahem.haha

I quote:"Hold me now.I'm falling into you.What did you do?What did you do?"

He...who is he?I know some of you must be wondering..who is he?Well...he...for now,I can't tell you who..the answer is still pending.haha...all I can say is that he is my mockingbird and I his mynah.haha...I built a nest in his heart...haha...yeah...i guess...haha.Rite baby?I know you're gonna read those in bold!haha.*muacksAttracting attention frm ya...though i know I already have!!haha...

Love you all...esp you too!you know who la...haha

Check the time...and I'm still awake.Just got back frm Simpang Bedok.Chilled with jai,hanis,hana...and jai's friends.Had a great time there man..laughed and joked till our tummy hurt!!haha...yeah..one of Jai's friends(Din) I met today...looked like my ex man...scary shit!And guess wat?He knew my ex because they used to run together.haha...yeah...his ex gf...is currently my friend's gf.Apparently...she broke up with Din because of my fren...my fren was wooing his gf...during their courtship.haha...and they were together for like 4yrs.Guys...let me quote wat the guys said, "May the best man win!"...but guys,at the end of the day, the girl makes the decision.Thats the way it goes...she may regret it...but thats just way too bad!!haha...later...baby just called!haha..he just came back frm clubbing!

Baby...I miss you too!I know and you know it too!!hehe..muacks!

Hey peps...got an email from a friend.Its a forwarded mail...anyways,I thought I share it wit you guys who have not read this!
Love,Hera

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try.

You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there, it is to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get beckon the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love 'coz every time we do, we get hurt, then I figured that's why it's called falling in love.!

A moment ago...I had no idea wat I wanna write in here.Suddenly...it happened again!In the same room...the same area where I was almost raped!

Remember I was once abused by 2 girls?Well...one of them abused me again!And that woman is Leow HuiShan!!Yes..Miss Leow tried to rape me again with my own phone!She tried the impossible too!Took my cardigan..wanting to stuff it into my shirt to make my tits bigger!WTH!!Tried to put my phone down there...down my pants where my butt crack was exposed!And dunno what else la she tried to do.It happened so fast!All I could do was to roll to my left and right...curled up...trying to shield my 'sista' and my titsy!She tickled me till I laughed,screamed real loud that my tummy hurts real bad!I was struggling like a poor little baby being attacked by a psycho nanny who all she wanted was to see the baby suffer in hilarious pain!haha..yeah..."Ladies and Gentlemen...let me introduce to you, Huishan!The Baby Abuser!!"LOL

Now...she must be sent to Changi Prison and rot there alone!Without Carol...you'll be all alone!This time round...you're suffer the smell of your dark cell all alone!Smell your urine...faeces..wateva crap that will come out of you.haha...this time your only friend is the toilet bowl.You can go talk to the toilet bowl!!Your only visitor allowed will be that crazy girl..yeah..that girl that gives you the creeps each time she calls you..*AHEM*!!LOL...yeah..only her.Hm...k la...give you face...I'll come visit you with Carol.We'll stand outside and laugh at you.haha..."Ahahahahaha...you deserve it!!""See see...who ask you disturb Her(a)??"=Carol

Then...all you could do was to stay in silence...and cry.Settle into self pity.After that...I'll bring a box full of cockroaches and throw everything in the cell.You'll start screaming and shouting...and jumping around like an albino monkey.haha..There wont be food for you...not even bananas..which I know you hate to eat...your only food is the roaches.Yes...you'll eat roaches...squashed roaches!!haha

Miss Leow...this is the second warning I am giving you!!The third time happens..I swear I get a gigntic dildo and stuff it in you!!LOL...(sick)haha.

Miss Song...you also another one!Muay Thai Guru!!haha.."Sawadeekap!!"haha

Bye girls!Hope all is doing good now.
Nic:Where are you?Haven seen you for a long time?Are you well now?Hm...

Lightning and thunderous weather...good weather to sleep..to hibernate.Shan mentioned that she slept for 14 hrs yesterday..I so envy her..I need that long sleep.haha.Was in Za's blog..having online war in her shoutbox.Damn the minah tudung and a disgraceful bastard she has as a boyfriend.I think she blinded by love la...rather to believe an idiotic bf of hers and blame it on Za.Fucking hell..people can be so conniving!!Karma...i believe in that...she'll get her retribution real soon.haha...wat a bitch.Looks like wearing a tudung doesn't make her innocent afterall.Beneath that smelly tudung lies a woman that is full of hatred and blinded by the true facts of reality!!haha.My first thought...damn...malays are so quarrelsome!They damn are.This is my one opinion la.Esp with guys...they have pride that they have to live up to or they will be thought as a failure.haha..Hm..thats explains the personal attack he did on Za...I really dunno the truth but I believe that personal attack to someone is not right!

K.mind block...brb!!!

Last nite, I was reading my entries...When my mum walked in.She saw how serious my face looked and thought that I was doing my school work.I continued reading my entries..Knowing that she was behind me because I thought she wouldn't know whose diary I read!She started reading out aloud..."I'm just a girl.Period.Bitchy and naughty..blah blah blah". She asked whose blog it was and I said my fren.Now the embarrassing part!!She saw my nickname...inoera."This is you rite...inoera is you rite??"OOPS!!Caught!!haha...I'm like.."NO...!!!" denying every facts she said.I didn't want her to know that I have a site..a blog.Let me ask you this...do you want your mother to read your thoughts???NO!!!The whole time she was trying to strain her eyes to read...I kept my fingers crossed...hoping that she wouldn't remember my nickname.BUT she DID!!Because..in her handphone logo is INOERA!!!Damn...she remembered.

I quickly closed the window...so she couldn't read the address and attempt to read my blog.Oh...after that...a chat window appered.I was chatting with my fren and quickly closed our conversation.haha...yeah..I dun want her to know what we're talking abt rite??haha...then i opened a new window and chatted with another fren abt Redang.haha..she took the mouse...click my msn picture display...hoping that my blog would appear...neither that she know...all my display pictures appear!!haha..THANK GOD she is internet illiterate!!!LOL..thank god!!haha.After that she left...and I was busy deleting all my internet history from months back...leaving no trace that my blog ever existed!!!LOL

Yeah...so remember...This blog never existed!!LOL

Its monday today...duh...the date header must have told you so.haha..yeah..Nic is not in sch..nana is on MC.Both of you feeling alrite?I hope so...been some time since we last spoke...and hang out togeher.Lets make it soon ya?These days...I can't seem to hear my alarm ringing.Even when its on level 5 ringtone!!I'm sleeping like a baby lately...haha.I can't wake up!!I made a resolution this month...to cut down on taking cabs to sch!Hmph...but that doesn't seem to work has it?I'm still spending money unneccesarily..ARGH!!!Its GSS now..I so need to go for more retail therapy.haha..and Yes...Miss Samantha Adlin Coorey if you're reading this..I'll get your Marilyn Manson CD soon!!Stop bugging me already!!I know i know i know...you big ass mama!!LOL.I miss you la bitch!!haha...May too!!Where are you?(Searching high and low..under the table,under the chair..haha)

Be back later...

My bed was humped by 2 little cute girls...asking me to wake up!!Yeah...my 2 cousins slept over at my place.Damn..my slp...my beauty sleep.haha.They kept playing with my soft toys..my bears and my 'be mine' heart shaped soft toy given by May.They quarrelled over the 'Be mine' thing.."Kids!!It's mine!!"haha...then..it was time for brunch!Had french fries with mayo and artichoke,cream soup and thai squid prawn salad!Yeah..then I'm off to make cookies for the little ones...swept the floor...wash my clothes...man..I was multi-tasking this whole day.

And here I am...typing this entry...while the little ones run ard asking me for sweets and wanting to play game.My sis...that pig is slping.MY mum..she's sleeping too!My dad...bloody asleep too.So my whole family is asleep.So I'm left alone to care for the little ones.Damn damn damn...my mum,she always likes to bring them back here.But who will be the one taking care of them?Me!!Hmph!

But they're the little ones..you'll forgive them as soon as they smile at you!haha
Kids...

From the left:John(in pink)..Moo...Eric..Barry and Ben!!Yeah..these are the people who made Bloodrush fun for me!!haha
They're great la!hehe
Enjoy ogling at some of them!!ahem...

That's Zoe...John's fren...hehe.Yeah...guess wat??She works at the same place as James!!The NEXT Salon!!Wat a small world ain't it??hehe...I envy her...she get to see james's ass everytime she works!!haha..Zoe I hate you!!haha.
Hugs!

This picture...it was taken after BLOODRUSH!We were at Shaw tower.Thats me on the left..Barry...and Eric!!Unfortunately...barry had to spoil the pic by sleeping!!!ARGH!!!No la..actually he closed his eyes!Hmph!!But check out the red lips la!!LOL!! ;p

I just called Nicky...I woke him up!!Wahahaha...so fun...wake people frm their sleep even when they're miles away!!haha...yeah..he's call me back later.I bet he must be cursing and swearing.."Stupid bitch woke me up!!"haha...but I know...deep inside,he misses me!!wahahahaha.Rite nic??hehe

Alrite...I better stop complimenting myself!!haha

That idiot is having a bloody hella good time in France!!Bastard!!I hate you and tits!!haha...I hope Nick remembers to squeeze tits's tits!!haha..I miss tits's tits!!haha..I'll go..tit tit...tit tit!!lol..

Hey nic..if you're reading this...you can give tits a kuniang name!!Its TITSY!!

Story Telling:
One day,Titsy became tipsy after drinking some pepsi.
After that...he start to act a little sissy.
But that doesn't stop him from being sassy...and flirt with the frenchy!!

::the above story is dedicated to TITS!!
Muack...

la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la!!(to be sung in tunes of MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB)

Dead bored..so bored. wat can I do when I'm bored?I go..la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la...

Hey...I made a new friend.His name is Collon.He's so...yummy!!You just wanna eat him..haha.His 'clothes' are sponsored by Glico.Cool ain't it??hehe..He's brown...chocolate in fact.He has got nice skin!!haha...

K...goin crazy here..COLLON is my biscuit roll!!LOL

:P

"The happiest of people don't neccesary have the best of everything in life.Perhaps they are just good at making the best of most things that life brings along their way."

::I found this quote on an old wall of a restaurant on Purvis Street.I thought I share it with you guys.

BLOODY HELL...THE 2 CUCKOO BIRDS NOT HERE!SLPING LIKE A LOG AT HOME...WHILE HERE I AM..TYPING THIS ENTRY WITH ONE HAND BECAUSE I AM EATING BREAKFAST WITH ANOTHER HAND.I FEEL SO RETARDED!HAHA...BE BACK LATER...ITS ANNOYING PRESSING EACH KEY WITH ONLY 5 FINGERS WORKING!HMPH!!

The 2 cuckoos better come early!!