lost within my own reality

I've got great news!!!I dunno why...but I think my mum is in a bloody good mood to spent money today.haha...I thought after what happened yesterday,our so called serious talk..I wondered if she ever pamper me this month.haha..Pamper as in shopping la.So yeah..she woke me up real early this morning and told me.."Wake up!"
me=Why?What time is it?(bloody 10am..i slept at 4am) Mummy:We're going Starhub today.

So yeah..as I've guessed,she got me a new phone!Yeah..got me a X66 Panasonic..and then..she got 2 more phone,a Sony Ericsson Z200 and a Nokia 6610 frm the secondhand shop.Wahahahha...dunno why..she thought it be cool to change phone everyday..depending on our moods.And she bought 2 watches la.Sigh...I think my mummy is stress la..so need to spent money.haha..

Ah well...life's good.A little light hearted now because he has finally apologized.Wondered what took him so long to wake his ideas up!!Babe...I know I'm good!haha..I made an impact in ur life didn't I?haha.

Friday, July 30, 2004

Since I'm an O.C fan..kinda curious which O.C cast member I am!hehe

You are Rachel Bilson! You're sexy and
spontanious, and completely confident and at
ease with yourself. You're the nicest person
and the one who everyone turns to for advice.
You're a deep thinker and always fun to be
with!

Which OC Cast Member Are You?
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Matin is leaving this Sunday...met up with him and Hanis.One last time before he goes off!!Tin is so adorable...like cat!!haha...chubby puss!!haha...sigh..after that..off to meet the boys!!Barry and John ard 10pm at Starfucks at TM.The usual place.I realized that my this clique...the guys are getting lesser.Everybody in NS.Damn it...soon its gonna be Barry!!My sexy lips...botak!!haha..Then it will be me and John only..my neighbour!haha..Hm...no wonder these few times they always ask me go out with them..no kaki!!haha..boys boys!!Yeah..had diarrhoea today.Stomach was aching man...must be the laxative pills I took last nite.Damn..its not diarrhoea la HEra!!haha..k back to reality...I tend to talk to inoera recently.haha..my inner being...k..back later.

Biz time!haha

Am back...biz was good!haha..

Am really annoyed now..i cant on my phone.Thats the annoying part.The good part is that..no one can contact me...and only a handful has my residence number.Oh!Did I mention that I hv a resident line now??Yeap!!I do...after like...more that 5 freaking years!haha..so yeah...gonna start my MIA acts over the weekend.Gotta study for my Biz. Finance test on tue.No clue wat biz.fin is all abt.So dead..but not yet.haha...

Excuse me boy,what is there to talk about?What is it that you wanna tell me?I dun see a point in wat you wanna tell me.I need to breathe you know.Give me space boy.You've got yours..oh wait..that space has already been filled by ..hm.Need I say more boy?I stopped calling because each time I talk to you boy...I can't seem to breathe properly.You're the cause of my suffocation.I just dun feel like talking to you boy.Sorry boy...but this time..miss me when I'm gone!haha..

Hm...should I listen to wat he gotta say?What the hell he wants now?Sigh..

By:Dashboard Confessional

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
This air is blessed, you share with me
This night is wild, so calm and dull
These hearts they race from self-control
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours, to fill or burst
to break or bury, or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer

The words are hushed, let's not get busted,
Just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions..
hey did you get some?
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close
they can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours, to fill or burst
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry
Whichever you prefer

Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair
That you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together
The streets were wet and the gate was locked
So I jumped it, and let you in
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew that you meant it
That you meant it, that you meant it
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.

::I love this song!Recommended by Gian!!haha..

People..nvr attempt a McD diet for a week!!It makes you put on weight!!Serious!My mum didn't wanna give me cash this wk...and made me pay for my food using an EZ link card and transport too!!Its so annoying!!She didn't want me to go out after sch..thats why!!Oh man...its bloody getting on my nerves!!haha...even if I were to buy myself a happy meal,I won't be any happier!!Hmph!

It was my bro's belated 18th Surprise birthday bbq at East Coazt.This is my bro,Harie J..below..with his birthday cake!

This is about half the bunch that were at the bbq.The other half is the anti social peps..I dunno whose frens and dun give a shit.haha

Okay..this girl next to me...its' Vanisha...one who is against the MUNGENTS!!Totally against them!haha..and that's the sweet me !!wahahahaha

Okay...towards the end of the bbq...I was feeling bored la.So Yadin decided to climb the tree...and then Hanis..and then ME!!haha..Honestly...I was really comfy up there..looking down at all the snobbish baboons!!haha..and the weather was cool..which made it all perfect to stay up on the tree for a while!!haha

~THE END~

This pic truely explains the meaning of a Happy Meal!!Miss Birdie Mac was having such a peanuty and cucumbery time!!Licking the delicious cunt of peanut sauce and huge giant dildo cucumber!!wahahaha...wicked!!!Okay..I'm sick la!!I admit!!haha

Hm...now I understand why kids LOVES HaPpy MeAL!!LMAO!!

Barbecue food was good.
The Johnny Walker chicken was good..thanks to Roger.haha
Stucked up good looking Eurasian guys for me to see.
Had many many horny jokes with the..lets call them the "Horny" bunch
Understood the true meaning of happy meal.(interpretation later)
CLimbed PIT G73 tree with the other 2 monkeys.
Good music.
Cool and relaxing breeze.
Lying down with ma frens near the beach.
Cool and lots of laughter and bitching nite!
~END~

Okay people...its not official yet...but I managed to climb a tree with another 2 monkeys!!haha..Thats Hanis,the pink monkey and the faceless one at the back..its Yadin!!Took this pic with a camera phone..so the pic is not all that clear.But wats clear is the fact that there's 3 monkeys hanging around at EAst Coast PArk,Carpark G pit 73!!haha..I'll post a clearer pic as soon as possible.Damn..my face also like monkey!!wahahaha

Enjoy laughing your ass off!!

The little ones are over for the weekend.The whole house so noisy.I thought of a way for shutting them up for a moment.haha...I painted their toes and nails and asked them to sit at the staircase and wait for the varnish to dry.Obediently...they listened.Next..I asked them to sit there and sing song until the varnish is dry.And so they did!!haha.Its so much better listening to them sing than their screams and bickering at each other!!wahahaha..I'm wicked!!haha.They continued singing man..without stopping!!haha...I think they sang about 5 songs la until my mum called them down to feed the fishes!!haha..man...for a moment I felt like a choir teacher!!haha...a wicked choir teacher!!haha...Its all good!!Well..they're at the park now.I'm gonna get ready for a surprise bbq that my bro's fren had organized!!
Yeah..the guys are off to Phuture for Spectrum later.Have fun man!!

Hugs!!
Ps:He called after after like almost a week of no call.haha...ah well..didn't hear my phone ringing.And i am still in my seclusion mode!!haha
Well...sorta...

You have a free soul! As all the souls go, yours is
the most free-spirited and adventurous. You
like camping, hiking, or interaction with other
people. Your a social butterfly, but not
because of your style, but because of your
willingness to communicate with everyone. You
probably have close friends who can rely on you
because you always seem to know whats going on
in the world. You love music and are
free-spirited and someone fun to be around. A
born leader and great explorer-dont ever
change-the world needs more people like you.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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your fuck.

What swear word are you?
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You are the mystery woman

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

feeling sick
hiccups better go away!
stoning a little
not sleepy yet
wondering if panadols make you sleepy
feel like dancing now
"its all been done...before"--happy song!
When the hell is gian gonna chat with me?
barry better take his earstuds frm me
i wanna take his earstuds
wondering why I ever like BLUE..so boyband!!
i wanna play with Orion.(Gracie's cat)
i wanna get a flat faced persian cat
i wanna see sharul's cats
wat am I gonna do tmr?
i wanna go bangkok in Sept.
Hm...mum is planning to go china.
crash push is playing..i like the song.
damn it bring memories of that idiot
but I'm still happy
memories are sweet,cherish it.thats wat he said
and i'm doing just that.
I'm happy..so fuck the song playing now!!haha
Fuck all the fuckers who fucked and played fucked!!
wahahahaha...
gonna watch movie on lappy now
i love my lappy..
random thoughts gonna continue flowing...till I fall asleep!!

Au revoir!!

I just got back from Simpang.Yeah..the usual supper place,Simpang.Was with Hanis and Jai and the Fed Ex crew...I dunno who and can't remember their names...but they sure do remember mine!!haha...I feel bad..I swear I must make an effort to remember names man!Ah well...anyway,Matin came and joined us for a while because he knew I was goin to be there.YEAH...it was good seeing him.Such a cutie...like meow!!haha.Bumped into Vicki and Ash..Ash has got a weird fringe la!!haha.

Like I said earlier...May came over earlier in the day to study but we ended up cooking meals for ourselves..a decent maggie mee!!hehe and ended up surfing and just chilling.

I'm having flu now...suddenly...dunno why.But it feels good to be sick again.A reason for me to catch up on my beauty sleep.I really need to hibernate and respect my body...oh wateva...respect my sleep more!!haha

My days are getting better...definitely moving on.Adapting really fast to the changes...back to the old changes.I miss it..damn..but I'm back!!Mad as ever...and shameless as ever.I like it now.Spoke to Val online earlier...been a long time since I spoke to her.Miss you Val.I honestly dun miss him.Got no reason to be for now.HOpe he is happier..with his dream gal!!haha..no offence..but I just want him to be happy!I'm happier now in fact..no doubt about that.No worries..no troubles...no more feeling insecure for wateva reason..no nonsense...in short,no more SHIT!Because..all this while..I have friends who do care a whole lot for me.

People like MAy,Nicky,Nic,Young,Jai,Hanis,Matin,Fi,Vic,Shan,Rol,Ter,Sam.Whole
lot of people that I could go on and on and on...people I am proud to have as a fren.I'm lucky actually!!Wee...So rite now..I dun need another person to make me whole.FOr I have frens that make it all worth while to live life to the fullest!!Thank you guys!!

Hugs!!!

Been a long time since we last sat at the pond...so we thought,why not take a pic to commemorate the day!!!19/07/2004

Another pic of May and me!!Oh...did I mention that I have short fringe now??wahahahah

I'm a FCUKING COKE girl!!!hahahaha

I woke up ard 630am...I duno why.Maybe my subconscious mind kept thinking of the internet.haha.I got home early yesterday...nothing much to do.My dad was watching some horse racing.So practically there's nothing I could do except to stare into the pond..walked up and down the stairs figuring wat the hell am I gonna to without my lappy.Felt really deprived.Scrolled my phonebook...couldn't figure out who to call so I ended up playing music real loud in my room and started dancing!!wahahahaha..Oh yeah..I had a weird dream la..I was in a train eating and standing at the same time,this big tall fella...hm...should be my friend la...I dunno who...but whoever that idiot is..if its gonna be a deja vu...keep your hands off my hips!!!wahahahaha.

Alrite...I wanna sleep more.May coming over to study later!HM...but I know we'll end up talking!!wahahaha

Sexy lips...you're a pig!!You bugger..2 days in a row...you bastard me!!I dun care..I am not giving you the ear studs I bought for you!!wahahah...beg me darling...beg!!I have plans today...you want...you call me later and we shall go for coffee with John later!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I couldn't picture myself in my dream wedding dress...

But...I found a picture of myself in my old wedding dress!!haha...Cute rite??;)

Check out my black nails!!Now...whoever dares to annoy me,irritate the hell out of me...I swear I'll scratch you with my nails!!!

When Sunshine was performing this song...it happened again.I love the song...but its a sad song though.Rayyan was on his bended knees...trying to tease me until I asked him to shut up.He sat next to me..kept asking me why I was so moody.Sigh..the same old question that everyone has been asking.Its damn obvious to everyone.I'm wondering if it was obvious to you!!K...back to reality now...I took the white soft delicate paper...*tap left eye,tap right eye* and said.."Luckily I'm wearing waterproof mascara."Rayyan giggled and put his hand over my head and said,"Chill babe..wats wrong?You can talk to me wat...I've known you since Pri sch.."Thanks Rayyan...thanks for telling me all will be fine.And Max too!I just couldn't control it.The song..Sunshine emotional singing..for a moment...it made it all perfect to shed a tear at that time.I know...he's not worth a tear even.But today..it just happened.Maybe..deep inside,sub-consciously..it built up to a point where...I just cannot take it la.Yes..Hera's emo..so be it!I've got feelings and it has been messed with!!

You..dunno if you were even listening that day when I spoke to you.Do you even understand wat I was trying to tell you?I told you...each time I see you,its as though I was stabbed.Doesn't that mean anything to you?I dunno if you know that you did hurt me.Wat?You want me to say it out loud to you?Do you have any conscience..even a little?My feelings were cheated.I should have trusted my instincts.You knew better wat you were doing...when I dun.But my instincts knew better.I really dunno la..rite now..I just dun feel like talking to you.Don't tell me how life is,cause rite now..I really dun wanna know.Don't tell me how this 'game' ends..we'll see how it goes.Miss me when I'm gone..I may have helped you think about lots of stuff..and reflect on things and made you question yourself.Yes..I may be the person who do just that to you when not many can.But this time,I wont do just that.For I want you to think what you so called did was fair to me or not.GO and REFLECT on it!You bugger...I just want to hear one thing from you.Not those sweet words you used.but the hardest word to say of all.I'm not blaming you why I'm feeling this way totally..because partly,I'm to blame also.
For now..just stay away from me..I've got a disease!!

I need to recuperate.If I'm your friend,spare me a thought for my feelings.Thanks.You told me...you dun wanna lose me as a friend..so do just this and I'll still be around to guide you in life.But for now..remember..I've got a disease..

This sucks...really...the purest of pain!
I hope tomorrow it a better day for my overrated life!

*peace*

It's down to this
I've got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

'Cause now again I've found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know

::I need to find that light.Lightness in the heart again.I'm tired of this...all of it.I want this to end soon.But when??Sigh...this sucks!!

I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn
It feel like I've been buried underneath the weight of the world

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm running, shaking
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, I hate this
But I'm going through changes, changes

::I woke up in a really bad mood.People can see it...for obvious reasons.My face tells it all...even those who aren't close to me can see it.Its tough to keep myself under control...my thoughts...I'm exhausted.I hate this.But then,life is always changing.So now I'm going thru' changes,changes,changes.

Yay!!!My mum just got back from Bangkok and she got lots of stuff I should say...hehe.Even more than my siblings!!Hm...she got me a yoga pants,3 tops..okay la...haha..uhm...new bras...slippers..and my favourite...precious stones and silver beads and centre pieces.I'm all so excited to make new jewelleries!!!Wahahahaha...and mealworms to eat and biscuits that are my fav!!haha..Food!!!I'm so glad!!hehe

K...today,I was practically stoning most time...didn't feel like talking but when that certain subject came out...man was I a motor mouth!!haha...Ah well...I wasn't feeling good today,something bothering me...I think I know wat...just those thoughts.Its annoying!!I can't control my thoughts...thus that lousy feeling came along.Sigh...why?Why?Why?I hate it la.I just needed to do something!!

So...during my long 5 hours break,while checking myself out in the mirror,an idea came along!!haha...I was so bored that I decided to cut my fringe...there and then,I went to buy a scissors and cut my fringe at Mac!!wahahaha..May helped me a little.And guess what??I look cute la dey...wahahahaha...K...what I did was madness.But thats just me!!hehe..hM..WAT ELSE...oh yeah..May and myself had the urge to get our nails done.So we decided to skip lecture and headed to Bugis.I had my nails done..its BLACK!!hehe..WIcked huh??haha..and May had a manicure and nail art for herself...only thing is that,the stickers on her nails screwed up.She just messaged me that she's gonna remove everything.Ah well...wat a waste.Her nails were beautiful!!haha...had wanton noodles after that,both of us struggling to eat our food..ate in a really weird manner la.Making sure that we wont ruin our nails!!Damn retarded I tell you!!haha

Chilled at Starbucks with the FOAMERS for a while and headed home early because I gotta do my Marketing tutorial.hehe..hm...to tell you the truth,this will be the first time in almost 2 semester will I attempt to do my tutorial!!haha..ah well..we shall see how it goes...after typing this blog!!haha.Oh Oh...I took bus 22 home and as soon as I boarded the bus,I saw a flying COCKROACH!!!DArn!!I was so freaking scared sia and decided to sit upstairs...this was a pretty good decision...can you imagine..me screaming at the top of my lungs in the bus??haha...it be total madness!!haha

I guess...thats all I have to say for now.There's just so many things to say..but it seems that for now...the talkative Hera has decided to shut her mouth and let her fingers do the talking instead!!hehe...(I know some of you are clapping ur hands now and prolly be saying,thank god!!haha)

Good nite my darlings!!!Hugs!!

Don't let your head rule you heart
Don't let your world be torn apart
Don't keep it all to yourself
Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

I know Its hard when you're feeling down
To lift your feet up off the ground
We make mistakes but doesn't everybody
You don't always have to agree with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

We know the story so far (what you want and who you are)
What you want and who you are (Free)
Let all your emotions run free
You don't always have to agree
With someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me
Someone like me

::This goes out to all my friends including him...esp..him!!haha..you know why la babe...

within 30 seconds...starting now...(*getting astopwatch ready)

feeling super sleepy
I need to hibernate
feeling so much better
looking life positively
day was good
he is still the same..hehe
i miss gian!!haha
k...i wanna slp now

Today went just fine...GREAT!!Till I got home...but first...

Like I mentioned before,Fifi left around 130pm...bugger slept all the way.I was complaining to Sharul about him!I got 3 bloody hours of sleep..him...dunno how many freaking hours.Came to my hse,ate supper,watched second disc of Spiderman 2..chatted and bitching with Mannar,surf the net and went to sleep just when I'm about to show him some things and tell him stuff!!GR....you punk ass mat gonedorong!!The only time he wakes up is to answer his girlfriend's call!Sharul was telling me that this bugger is damn shameless la...sleep people house macam his own hse!!wahahaha...eh Sharul..aren't you the same?hehe..ah well...wateva it is..Fi is still ma fren!!Bugger left my house without taking a shower!!Smelly fifi...Xiang Nu ROu Yi Yang Zhou!!haha

I was pretty much awake after that and started chatting online...like any of my usual Sundays.But this time...it was a FINE Sunday because after so many months...finally that name appeared and that sweet person messaged me."I am SPARTACUS!!"=HERA!!Taadaaa...Its Mr Gian Carlo!!In case you're wondering who is Gian,well he was my buddy back in secondary until he left for California at Sec 2.And we've been in touch ever since.Gian,if you're reading...its amazing that we're still in touch after almost...6 yrs??You may be miles away...but I'm really glad that you do care for me...even glad to know that you would punch some punk shit loser for me!!wahahaha..I miss you too buddy!!You better get your ass back here I tell you and bring NAncy Pansy along!!hehe

It was a cool nite...went to the Esplanade for the Bay Beat 2004!!Was with Hanis and Jai.The local band Astreal rocks la!!The vocalist..man I love her sexy deep voice and the guitarist..haha..damn cute!!Oh yeah..then there was this Swedish band,The Last day of April..pretty good!Chillout indie rock music!!\m/rocks!!Now...besides enjoying the great atmosphere...it kinda brings back sweet memories of that special person...hehe...and I was practically stoning and talking lame crap for I have not had enough sleep.

Okay..so my Sunday sounded good...but wait till I tell you wat I happened when I reached home.I stained my mum's Gucci pink pants!!Apparently...I soaked it with another pants...and it never occured to me that the pant's colour would run.And yeah...it was a brown pants that stained the pink pants.When I noticed the colur difference..there were areas that looked a little orangy.I tell you...I am so dead!!Hm...but I doubt my mum will curse me...because..she bought the Gucci pants on sale and she has 2 others!!wahahaha...just keeping my finger's crossed though.Hm...anyway..she did stain my Mango beige linen pants...I think sub consciously..I was taking retribution!!wahaha...Now my Mango pants has become 3 quarter pants!!haha...Still...I've yet to break the news to my mother.She'll be back later at nite...and I'm so looking forward to the stuff she bought me from Bangkok!!wahahaha

I am a happy girl...moving on to the finest things in life that I deserve!!haha

So yeah...My Einstein pillow is calling me.."Hera!Come to bed...!I can smell my pillow too!!wahahaha...

Later!!Nite peeps!!

I'm glad that I'm someone who teaches you something in almost every conversation we had.You've taught me something too.Like you said before..."We're like bonding!"haha..yeah...I guess it is.Though...there's so many shit going on,you did hurt me in certain ways...and since I have such high tolerance level..I am still able to take lots of nonsense from you.I dunno why...its just you.And yeah babe...you're still special!So accept it!I still love you...but not the way it used to I guess...but nothing has changed has it?I guess...you pretty much know my style...and I know your style.Though we've known each other for a short period of time...thinking back,it kinda amazes me how pretty close we are.Yeah...I know you're pretty puzzled why you're so comfortable with me...hehe.Babe,there's just something about you I still can't figure it out...wat it is actually.Still then,our journey of self discovery of each other and learning experiences continues!Love ya...and I know you love me too.

Oh yeah...though now on the surface,I may seem that I dun wanna talk to you..you know I still do.Though I may not say I miss you so often like last time...you know I do.It just that...I dun wanna express it freely...on circumstances...I think its better la hor...no point making myself more confused on wat the hell is going on and wat the hell you trying to convey...its just all too confusing.Lets just keep it this way.You know...I'll always be that mynah and you my mockingbird!!!wahahahah

Hugs!

He's making funny noises///sun is coming up soon...haha

Check out Young's tongue!!!So long sia....haha....Dunno wats up with the pose la...hm...maybe...I look that yummy!!wahahahaha

I feel like having Breko's Chicken pieces!!Yum yum!!

Me again...in the train...I just love taking photos of myself nowadays....hehe

This is Nicolette.Ain't she just so adorable??She just loves taking photos!!haha...
Ps:Nicole's niece

Nicole and Nicolette...

Took this pic at Bugis Street...on the staircase...heading to Bugis Street Shop Level 2...I thought the background was kinda cool la...hehe

Okay...nothing much happened today...was cleaning the house..all so clean and dust free...hehe..uhm...pretty much doing nothing after that.Went out with John,Barry,Kwok and Marcus...was chilling at Starbucks for a while ard 11 plus.Head home...waited for Mannar and Fi to come by my house.Watched Spiderman 2 again...Mannar left ard 4am...Fifi is still here...sleeping like a baby in the living room floor...haha..while here I am typing this entry alone!haha...darn....so bored sia...everybody was doing their own things..so it cant be helped if no one came to accompany me...except the sleeping Fifi!!haha...ah well...thats life huh?

So yeah...I cooked dinner today...Pasta!!Cream of chicken with cheese...YUMMY!!!
I'm so proud...I feel that I can make a good wife!!haha...wateva la Hera...

I cleaned...I cooked...washed the dishes...wipe everytime I see water on the table...ashes on the table...sigh....I'm just a super freak when comes to cleanliness...haha!!

I miss sitting at the school pond with May eating ice cream
I miss the presence of the Belo King..Jai
I miss Addy,sitting at the round table,knowing for a fact that girls are forever checking him out.
I miss making a grand entrance at MAc...hahaha
I miss Hani shouting my name at MAc
I miss the MIA acts
I miss TEP
I miss Shan
I miss Rol
I miss Nicky
I miss Nic
I miss...oddly...Vivian Koh's saying.."Okay..cool!"
I miss Jackson being an ass himself...shouting.."Bitch!"
I miss sleeping in the SBM clubroom
I miss playing STRESS with Nicky and Nana
I miss Nana
I miss wearing my landyard...NOT!!!

I guess...this shall do for now...

Come rescue me!!!Wee...................

I am moody and messy.I get restless and its senseless.I just lazed around the house...doing nothing useful for myself.All I remembered was my mum waking me up ard 9 plus to tell me that my grandad's younger brother had died and that she was going for the funeral and will be at my Nan's house after that.I continued sleeping and woke up at 1130...upon realising that I actually had 12 hours of sleep and boy,it was peaceful.Today,I woke up feeling...unsually better than the day before...it felt like I woke today with no agenda at all.For a moment...it felt good not knowing wat to do..and wat was my next move.I watched TV,cooked lunch,watched American History X ( was a bloody good movie)...feed my fishes...hm...stoning for a while...actually...not much flow of thoughts.Thank god!!

"Realize the power of your own thoughts!"

Wat I'm trying to say is that...in short...had I thought about "it"...I would definitely woke up a pissed person and my whole day would be terrible.BEcause you see...if you have have negative thoughs...you'll have negative feelings.Eg:Try feeling sad without sad thoughts---or jealous without thoughts of jealousy.You can't do it...it's impossible.
The truth is, in order to experience a feeling, you must first have a thought that produces that feeling.

So yeah...I didn't think much today.All is good my darlings..no worries.I know for the past few entries...I sounded emo and all...but thats how I felt at that time.Wat I really need now is to find some peaceful time for myself.Seclusion seems impossible...so the closest I can get to that is MIA acts!!haha...

Love you guys..always!!

Having French class later...just finished talking to Nicky..feels good to just talk and let it all out to your good buddies!hehe...saw him at Mac...he didn't see me because I'm good at camouflaging among the NYPians..haha.Same feeling...it just hurts!!Argh!!

Fuck it la...I just need to disappear from the face of this earth real real soon!I swear...I just wanna get out of school and do my own things.Damn it...why do I have such high tolerance level?

Just saw Liqin...good to see you Silly girl!!Must go out together again one day okay?hehe...

Love you guys!
Be back later!

Why does it hurt so bad??
My heart was stabbed
The moment I saw you

I feel like a fool
Why can't I keep my cool?

I still feel the way I do
Why?Why?Why?
You acted that nothing happened...
Damn it...
Gr...........

Woke up today...as you can in the last entry...my day didn't start of that good la.Same feeling as mentioned...just had to puff it away at the balcony...staring into the pond..which I dun normally do.Hm...kinda think of it...I kinda miss sitting at the school pond la.I think...I shall do just that later in the day.

Was chilling at Starbucks with May in the afternoon and then after dinner..Fifi joined us.Yeah...like wise...Starbucks is the place where we vent our frustrations,share our problems,reflecting on life and analysing why people do the things they do....reasoning their actions.Sigh...it was good meeting up with them..if they hadn't asked me out...I'll probably be stoning at home the whole day and feel lonely and pissed like wise.So yeah...it was great la meeting up with them.Sometimes...it feels good to know that your friends are there for you to listen and share with you.With their companies...it kept my mind off things..my random thoughts...pondering..wondering..missing..blah blah blah....

My friends..I simple love them...they have been there for me and I've been there for them...
Friends are just beautiful people when they have no bad intentions.

Hm...the fact that wateva I'm feeling now..I still miss..*ahem...though I was really hurt...heartbroken i guess...that thought just kept on coming.Wat the hell is wrong with me???I swear...i really dunno la...but I just had to make that phonecall...to just say hi and bye.Oddly happy a little but it still hurts...damn it Hera...wat the hell are you doin?Digging your own grave??

Sigh...I wonder whats install for me later in the day for my so called ill-fated life!!
I'm so fucked!!

feeling pissed...
stoning...
bored...
lazing ard in the hse...
love this feeling of loneliness...
just me..myself....

I was reading last year's entries...it occured to me that a year back...I was very happy,care free..no worries..just happy esctatic.But this year...its all different.Been thru lots of things..it hurts...where is the old Hera?Yeah...she's a year older now...she should be wiser...but she's going thru emotional situations..sigh...life is a test...but its sucks...damn...I miss the old Hera...I need seclusion to find the old Hera.I know you all miss the old Hera.Dun you??Argh!!

Tears are rolling...because partly I am sleepy..all teary eyed and sad...because Hera is sorta lost within her own reality...i need to find that lightness again!

God have mercy!!hehe..*in deep thoughts*
"Is this God's way in making me succumb to greater things in life?"
I really hope so....

That's Fadhli..hm...the quiet one.He just got back from his "trip ard the world" for 6 mths...and decided to come back to sch...partly because he misses my company!!wahahah..wateva inoera...haha..yeah..he was my Yr 1 lecture mate.Lost touch with him during his trip cause we're both damn busy to call and say hi!haha..ah well..hopefully...we're able to catch up with things!hehe..rite lee??

Next pic...

I've got round cheeks and big eyes..and a cute butt!!hehe..but too bad..no butt pics!!haha...looking PRETTY retarded...haha

Next pic...

I so need to pamper myself...manicures every week!!haha...Idea?hehe
k...I shouldnt be wasting money!!haha..but I love looking good!wat can I say?

Next pic...

To hell to those who thinks that I've got nothing better to do!This is ma blog...haha

Next pic...

This is my sunshine!!Yeah...my sunshine!Cause each time he sees me...he just shines out among the guys cause he's skinny!!haha..seriously...his teeth shines la..each time he smiles at me!haha..

k..no more pics for now!

Intro:-
Ah yeah thats right
All you single people out there
This is for you
Yeah

Verse 1:-
Im not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos Im happy where I am)
Dont depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I dont need to be anyones baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I dont need another half to make me, whole

Make your move if you want doesnt mean I will or wont
Im free to make my mind up you either got it or you dont

Chorus:-
This is my girls on single status
My decoration of independence
Theres no way Im tradin' places
Right now a stars in the ascendant

Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
(Right Now )
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be

Yeah, uh huh, thats right

Verse 2:-
Dont need to be on somebodys arm to look good
(I like who I am)
Im not saying I dont wanna fall in love cause I would
Im not gonna get hooked up just cause you say I should
(Cant romance on demand)
Im gonna wait so Im sorry if you misunderstood

ooohh yeah

Chorus:-
This is my girls on single status
My decoration of independence
Theres no way Im tradin' places
Right now a stars in the ascendant

Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
(Right Now)
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
(Right Now )
Im single, oh oh ooh

Verse 3:-
Everything in its right time
Everything in its right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way...
Its my way
Eh, I like it this way, eh

Make your move if you want doesnt mean I will or wont
Im free to make my mind up you either got it or you dont
'Til then Im single

Chorus:-
This is my girls on single status
My decoration of independence (Single)
Theres no way Im tradin' places ( Ooh )
Right now a stars in the ascendant (Ooh)

This is my girls on single status
My decoration of independence
Theres no way Im tradin' places (Right now a star)
Right now a stars in the ascendant

Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
( Right Now )
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
( Right Now )
Im single
(Right now)
Thats how I wanna be
( Right Now )
Im single woooh
Thats how i wanna be
ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh oooh (carry on Untill End)

::Single status...it rocks!!Really...it does.I'll keep it this way for now..till I get back on the love track.haha...wateva love track means...haha...wateva Hera...you're rambling again..ah well..you're bored aren't you?Used to have that someone to talk to...get back on the single track..eh wait..you've always been except that you were distracted by the distraction didn't you?"What the hell!!I'm talking to myself!!"wahhahahaha...k...somebody slap Hera to sleep pls...

Random thoughts....

feeling disappointed
that one word from you will be much appreciated
the word is the hardest word to say
oddly happy
feeling drained
heart broken
feeling sleepy...but dun feel like sleeping
"I found a reason for me..to change who i used to be.."
strange how i can tolerate so much crap
i have high tolerance level
i need a hug
why do you still call
leave me alone
i need seclusion
i need to hibernate
wat am i going to do tomorrow?
i'm single..yeah
grateful for certain things
feeling kinda lost
tired of giving and underappreciated
tired of life
i deserve better
shit happens..move on babe...

::my point being...i seriously have no point to make la...just rambling my thoughts in here...

I had good food...pasta and Japanese chicken seaweed..uhm...chardonnay...tortilla chips...chocolates...and my tummy is really bloated...and its all thanks to Miss Nicole and Young!haha..yeah they cooked together..haha.Surprising we didn't mess up the kitchen!!haha...and Nic,we did survive in a "MEn's Kitchen"!!haha..Oh yeah...I found something about Young today.He keeps his pots and pan and ladles and stuff all in his room cupboard!!hm...I wonder wat other weird things thats in his closet!!haha...Yeah....its was really glad to just cook and chill with your frens...I like!!haha

You guys made my day...really!haha...
Nic...thanks for your comforting big hug this afternoon..though i nearly teared!haha..ah well...life goes on and yes..I'll continue to be huggable!hehe

I love to go into details abt cooking something up but i'm just tired...hehe

I've been hibernating for the past 3 days.Watched tv,sleep,eat and more sleep.Haven been going out much lately...no money.haha..I think I better get a job real soon...for some obvious reasons,I just need to occupy myself with useful things??hehe..Ah well...anyways,I coloured my hair yesterday.Acconmpanied Niza to Hair Culture..she had a haircut and a new colour.In the meantime..while I was there,I was just so tempted to colour my hair.I called my mum,after much persuasion,she said yes.YES!!!I coloured my hair ash..hm..its darker than my previous hair.I kinda like the hair colour now...I look more friendly and warm...not that I was not warm and friendly before but I look really...uhmm...aiyah wateva it is...I like my new hair colour now.I cut my fringe a little...it was spur of the moment thing.No regrets...i look different a little but hey..its still the same old Hera you now.haha.

Been talking to him for the pass few days...I miss him..damn...
All I want is for him to be happy...find lightness in the heart and not be troubled with wat who and some questions that answers has yet to be found.Just happy and light hearted...no.."my heart feels heavy" in the morning.Babe,you know how I feel abt you...I guess I know how you feel abt me too.Ah well...we shall see how this story of us goes huh?Babe..you can sing ya know...haha...

Its a brand new semester...brand new people in sch...all brand new environment.WAteva it is...all may be brand new to you...but wat you are and wat you faced...its still the same.Your friends,your love ones...they still stay.Hugs...

I'm really glad to have friends that love me,understand me,stood by me...was always there for me.I feel so blessed to have you people in my life...I really do.Thanks for everything you've given me.Love you to the maxes!!

We were just testing out Za's digicam to see how fast is the caption shot!And to test if Young had a sense of time!!haha...k...I'm making no sense here.Anyway,check out this pic la.I TOOK IT!!Cool ain't it??hehe...Young doin an impersonation of Spiderman..backwards!!haha..Talented ain't he??haha..our dear fren literally on the wall for a mere few seconds only!haha...

Together or not,it doesn't matter

Kiss or not,it was sweet

Talk or not,it stays the same

Hurt or not,it did exist

Sorry or not,it has been done

Move on or not,you still stay

Love or not,I still do

Promise is a promise,you keep it

*Again..I am not emo.If you think I am in denial...i am not!Just writing how I feel and my thoughts.

As the breeze of someone else's pass
Your smell lingers around
It felt you were close
Only to know you're far...faraway
Your presence seems so real,
Its as if you're next to me.
I hear your voice
At the back of my mind
It screams out loud..it gets louder and louder
SLap back..snap back
Back to reality

How can I think I'm standing strong?
When all I want is to sit and feel wrong
How can I pretend I'm not hurt?
When you can see it thru me
How can things be alright?
When all I do is to fight
How can I got in too deep?
When I know better in my sleep
Why did I fall in love with you?
I don't know.I don't know.
I just do.

*Okay...just a passing thoughts.Thats all!Nuff said!

"Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love."

I've come to realise that the best way to love someone is loving an imperfect person perfectly...whether they're your friends or lover.Though they have hurt you many times before...its that emotional connection you have with them that is important.For then do you understand and have come to realise that things do happen for a reason.Loving them just the way they are.Whether they are near or far...but you'll always have them in your heart...in a special place...only you know.

When things go wrong,as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must,but don't you quit.

Life is strange with its twist and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many failures turns about,
When you might have won had you stuck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow,

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubts,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse, that you must not QUIT!!

*I found a piece of paper in my room,stuck between all my books for dunno how many months.I remembered that the piece of paper was given to me by a friend.I guess...it was his way of motivating me.Thanks!

Okay....this was taken on the very last day of TEP,on Sat 03 July 2004.
As you can see in the picture...I'm have this smile on my face...the cheeky smile...happiness that TEP is over...but in my heart...sadness for I wont be able to slack and bitch with all my dearies every single day of the week except Sunday!!haha..Ah well...I still have you guys in my heart...thus the SMILE again!

P/s:There's nothing I could hug...to give me comfort at this very point of time the picture was taken...thus I hugged my CRMSC chair.Lol!!

To all that have made TEP a wonderful,enriching,eye opening,mind boggling experience.

We all had our good times and the bad times.We learnt about each other within the short period of time and got close,to the point you never expected you are able to trust with that person with that much "wealth" of experiences you've faced in life and comfortable talking about it.We learnt more things about ourselves,that you never thought you would be the way you are now.We taught each other,one way or another...sub consciously at times.We lead each other...influence them..good or bad...I dunno.We all have our own differences,our beliefs,our ethnics..principles that we live by...but at the end of the day,you look back and thought..."Hey,I learnt something new today!" It builds up the friendship..the bond you have with the person/people.

Anyway,my point being...

I've never regretted knowing you guys/darlings/dearies...In fact,I've made a few good friends I should say.And I am really glad and grateful...fortunate to be able to get to know you as a person I could trust and confide to.Yes...I guess we had our ups and downs,tolerating each other's nonsense and bad habits and stuff.Accepted each other's flaws...but I guess I'm comfortable to say that we have learnt something from each other one way or another...consciously or sub-consciously.The times we've spent together was fun,amazing,bitchingly mad and a learning experience...a phase..part of our life destination where we learn about ourselves too.I can honestly look back on the past...with my sweetest smile...for wateva I've been thru during TEP has made me the way I am now.Life is always changing...and so are we.WE learn from experiences and like i always said..treat mistakes that we've made as our potential teachers.

Shan:I appreciate you calling me everyday...eventhough knowing that I'll still continue sleeping like a pig.I know..I kinda take you for granted.Thanks for everything...well...you know wat I mean.I need not say more.I love you and you know...I do care for you always.

Carol:Despite all the "abuse" and nagging from you..I still love you.I know...you're doin it for my own good.(the nagging)...but not the "abuse"...its not for my own good.haha.Yeah...I was mad at you...for certain reasons..I guess you know.I would tell you when the time is right.Yes..I have forgiven you.Other than that...I just hope you be happier and move on with life.I hope you know wat I mean.On the surface,you may seem happy and all...but deep down..I just know you're hurting.Please dun this to yourself.I love you!

Nicole:You're my Aunt Agony...not that everytime I'm in agony I go to you..well you know..the advises you give to people and all.hehe..Anyway,thanks for those small gifts you got for me..the biscuits,chocolate,lollies,cards...all these little things you did,I really appreciate it.Though we dun really communicate after BPOS B,it just feels the same talking to you now.Well...ya know.I love ya!!

Nicky:You're my buddy!One I can really count on for almost anything..whether its bitching or sharing.You're ma biatch!!haha.Its just so weird...that you know when I'm in a good mood or low mood.But hey...you're my buddy.So I guess..we have like this weird chemistry huh??haha..Yeah..I love you too!!

Valene:VAl,though we kinda stopped talking after BPOS B...I just wanna say I miss you la!Seriously....I know you're like mad at me for taking cab to sch so often till it drives you to the point where i guess you dun wanna talk to me.Its a bad habit..well,during TEP,for obvious reasons.But yeah...I know you mean well.Just wanna say your frienship meant alot.I love you still...See ya ard in sch!!

LiQin:Though I dun really know you that well...I'm really glad that you do care for me.Though you dun show it because you dunno wat to say...but still,your concerns means alot to me.Thanks girl!In the meantime...I'll continue learning more abt you!!hehe.Love ya!

Nana:You're a darling la!Stay cute always...remember,you are wat you are!Have confidence aite?I love you!!

Za:Known you for 2 mths...but we share lots of our thoughts together.It kinda surprises me that we get along real well.You're a great gal...you and I know that you deserve better in terms of relationship.Just want you to know that I'm always there for you when you need me.Just holla me aite babe?Love you!!

I guess...enough of all this emo emo thoughts and messages I want to relate to you guys.I wish you guys all the best in your studies.Yes...this is the end of our TEP days.But its not the end.Its the beginning...where we "start" our friendship after TEP and continues to grow....Love you guys lots!P/S:Just holla me anytime of the day.Phone line are open 24/7...now my incoming is whole day free.hehe..thanks to mummy!!I love you mom..I know you wont read this..cause I won't let you...but you know i do love you eventhough I dun show it!!hehe..

Now now..GROUP HUG!!